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  1. NEW YEARS EVE ;
    31 Dec, 2015
    NEW YEARS EVE ;
    Oh boy...its New Year's Eve .  I honestly forgot all about it being today . had so much stuff going on the last couple of days that it just wasn't on my mind . First and foremost , Jose....I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your ceremony today . I'm upset about it , but I know you're at peace now . i just wish I was able to say my final goodbyes .. May your family have a prosperous new year...they all deserve it . man , 2015 was a crazy one for me . i was taught many lessons and also made many
  2. Wishes for 2016 ;
    30 Dec, 2015
    Wishes for 2016 ;
    1. Learn to love the quirks of my body...how my hair doesn’t stay in place or how my wait is uneven . Unique is beautiful .. 2. Listen to my mother...she has had more trips around the sun . She knows a thing or two and her opinion matters .. 3. Always make time for friends . Companionship is one of life’s little miracles .  4. Don’t talk to that boy who only wants your body...you deserve someone who wants your pearly whites but also your clenched jaw...someome who will hold your hand when you
  3. #DEEP
    29 Dec, 2015
    #DEEP
    My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth .. When it was pulled out , you’re relieved...but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was ? Probably a hundred times a day .. Just because it wasn't hurting you doesn’t mean you didn't notice it . It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while , but it takes time . Should you have kept the tooth ? No , because it was causing you so much
  4. #EffCancer ;
    28 Dec, 2015
    #EffCancer ;
    You know what sucks about surviving cancer ? watching all your friends and family who don't ... I don't think people realize how hard it is . Sadly , as often as this happens...it doesn't get any easier . I am beyond sick of having to write "rest in paradise _______"  statuses . I am so tired of all the crying and tears that are shed from the news of their passing . I really don't know how much more I can take . I understand that people die every single day from all sorts of things...but when
  5. Hurt ;
    28 Dec, 2015
    Hurt ;
    Darling let me tell you a little secret .. You know that boy you love ? He’s inevitably going to break your heart .. That best friend you planned on spending the rest of your life with ? She’s going to eventually leave .. But you know what ? That is okay .. The universe places people in your life for just enough time to shape you into that beautiful person you’ve always wanted to be .. So yes , while these people may only be temporary , the effect they have on you is permanent .. And that ,
  6. Expectations ;
    27 Dec, 2015
    Expectations ;
    Sometimes you meet people who make a big impact on your life...sometimes you let them in with no questions . You don’t ask them if they are going to hurt you...you don’t ask them of their intentions...you don’t ask them if they’re planning on breaking your heart . You just let them in because they mean that much to you . They change you...sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse . You become addicted...you dream of their cherry stained lips and their bright smile...you dream of their
  7. #CancerSucks ;
    26 Dec, 2015
    #CancerSucks ;
    Another one gone way too soon ... I seriously cannot believe this is happening . I just saw you last Sunday (12.13.2015) at the Christmas Party and you were as happy as could be . Now you're gone . At least you're in paradise now . With your fellow family members . I know that you , Emily , Pablo , Catherine , Laura , Natalie , Jose , and Michael are watching over all of us and protecting everyone you love . You will be missed dearly . I know you were fighting until the very end...and even
  8. You Are Perfect ;
    26 Dec, 2015
    You Are Perfect ;
    Darling show off your teeth each one of them the chipped one and the slightly sunny ones all of them. Because just pulling back your lips will let a little light into your belly god knows we all need that. Put on the dress you bought last summer before you got the idea that it had to fit a certain way to be acceptable because it’s not supposed to hug you like it did the mannequin. You wear it like it was made to be worn .. twirling past strangers curving around your hips flowing
  9. Confessions of the Sensitive ;
    25 Dec, 2015
    Confessions of the Sensitive ;
    Yes , I cried during the Lion King .. Sure , I still get scared of the dark .. Don’t laugh , but I still hide under the covers when I'm scared...and I can't believe I'm telling you this , but sometimes I like to cuddle with my stuffed animals and pretend it's you because that's the only thing that keeps me from breaking into tears .. I just hope , that even still you can still call me tough .
  10. 12.24.2015 ;
    24 Dec, 2015
    12.24.2015 ;
    Welcome to a place you used to call home and now is full of strangers .. The smell of coffee , forgotten faith and lost memories cling to the bronze walls...broken friendships (at least partially your fault) taste like bitter chocolate and your could-have-beens echo off the high ceilings . Upside down city lights drown in the reflection of leftover rainwater...your tires slash through them and you think quietly about the skin on your forearms . Your favorite album isn’t enough to drown the pit
  11. Am I Loosing My Mind Or ... ? ;
    23 Dec, 2015
    Am I Loosing My Mind Or ... ? ;
    Woke up at 6am today .. Had to babysit . Been having the worst headache since I woke up . Took about 3 naps already today . It's only 2:30 -_- Im here until after 7 . It's going to be a long rest of the day for me . Gabby (who's 6 by the way) is getting on my nerves . Not only hasn't she been listening to me , she has also been whining about everything . Which isn't helping my headache whatsoever . We're at Joey's Outback at the moment . It's an indoor bounce house place .  Pretty interesting .
  12. It's Okay ;
    22 Dec, 2015
    It's Okay ;
    It’s okay to be upset about him It’s okay to miss him It’s okay to mourn the relationship you had It’s okay to wish you were still with him So , shed a tear for the first time you kissed Shed a tear for the first time he held you with no intentions but to make you feel safe in his arms Shed a tear for the way his laugh used to fill you with so much joy you didn’t know what to do with it all Shed a tear for the memories you’ll have to hold onto forever But then , move on Move on with your
  13. I Hope ;
    22 Dec, 2015
    I Hope ;
    I hope you find someone who knows when you’re down and kisses you extra and holds you tight until you calm down and can sleep through the night and I hope you find someone who looks at you with their eyes wide open even when you look bummy and can’t even look at yourself in the mirror and when you ask them why they’re looking at you they tell you they wouldn’t want to be looking at anything else and I hope you find someone who loves you with everything they have and that you can love them
  14. You ;
    22 Dec, 2015
    You ;
    When I see you , I put a smile on my face and laugh a little longer than usual at jokes that probably weren’t funny...wanting you to think that my happiness doesn’t depend on you . I turn to one of my friends and suddenly become very interested in what they have to say...attempting to show that I have other friends in my life that fill the hole you dug . I talk to the boy sitting next to me...leaning closer to him than I would’ve before so that you can see I’m completely over you and can have
  15. Stars ;
    21 Dec, 2015
    Stars ;
    If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I bet they'd live a lot differently . When you look into infinity , you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.
  16. ...
    20 Dec, 2015
    ...
    …and maybe it’s better if I don’t tell you about the nights when closing my eyes is scarier than keeping them open and staring at the dark , consumed by  thoughts of failure and inadequacy . it’s not romantic , the way I worry about the future and the present and the past and , well , you understand . sadness and fear are not things to be proud of...they are there to overcome and to learn from of your strength (and  this you can be proud of) .  I am not a broken bird looking for loving hands to
  17. Places ;
    20 Dec, 2015
    Places ;
    If we were to sit down here ,  on the messy bed of my room in this shared apartment ,  to talk...I would want to talk about places .. Places where you fell in love or places where you cried .  Where were you when you realized you’d suddenly grown up ? I was here .  Balanced precariously between a pillow and a stuffed giraffe named Franklin ,  reading headline after headline on a darkened computer screen . If we were to sit down right here ,  I’d want you to tell me about where you had your first
  18. Evening Thoughts ;
    19 Dec, 2015
    Evening Thoughts ;
    Honestly , if I like someone , I try to stop it ..  I try to get away ; try to distance myself...I run . I try to stop noticing how his eyes light up when they meet mine . I try to ignore how his smile completely brightens up an entire room , or when his nostrils flare when he's deep in thought . “I do like him, but-” I will say .. and if there is no “but” to stop me from admitting how I feel , I will make one up because for goodness’ sake , I find it so damn hard to just open up to someone
  19. Voided ;
    19 Dec, 2015
    Voided ;
    I can’t describe it in any other way .. It’s just a hole...Like being in a hole . A regular hole ; not too deep , and  not too shallow either...Just a hole . I’m not so much stuck ; it’s hard to get out , but I’ve in the hole for so long it’s comforting .. But on the days it gets bad , I’m  not so much in the hole , but the hole is in me and it gets all flipped around and I get stuck...For real . And sometimes I feel as though it tries to swallow me whole .. This hole in soil that is of an
  20. People ;
    18 Dec, 2015
    People ;
    People are allowed to leave you . People are allowed to break up with you . People are allowed to love you but not want to be with you . People are allowed to not want to talk to you . People are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you . People are allowed to move on from you . People are allowed to fall in love with someone else . People are allowed to not want you in their life . People are allowed to do whatever they want to
  21. Laughing ;
    17 Dec, 2015
    Laughing ;
    One day my hands will settle inside themselves .. I feel most free in the dark where there are dozens of bodies  and no one knows me...I’m trying to text this boy  but my nails are wet with paint . When scientists tell me  there is the possibility of another universe I think yes  and I am better in it...I want fresh flowers on every table and for tomorrow to be a gentler crime scene . My twenties are teaching me that no one is ever as busy as they say they are . Like honestly , where you going
  22. So This Is the End ;
    16 Dec, 2015
    So This Is the End ;
    SO THIS IS THE END .. Or this is the beginning .. If I cut my hair off  and buy new lipstick ,  it almost doesn’t feel like  starting over .. It feels like emerging ..  Like soaking in light . Like drawing curtains back . Like pulling myself  out of the bed  for the first time  in two weeks  and showering . Making tea .. Putting away my  coffee cups .
  23. An Excercise in Feeling Unlovable ;
    13 Dec, 2015
    An Excercise in Feeling Unlovable ;
    Do not let people like me fall in love...ever. It will be easy , this I can promise you . We are not hard things . There are all these warning signs .. We are the first one . Notice the red in our mouth when you first taste us .. Say stop light . Back away . Always look at our bottom lip .. It spills the most secrets . There is always a tremble . Some a DO NOT ENTER sign . Some a siren . We are such wailing creatures .. You know what a shipwreck we make out of everything .  How to touch
  24. Try and Love Me For It ;
    12 Dec, 2015
    Try and Love Me For It ;
    When you love someone , you tend to tell them so much about your past because you’re trying to catch up to the present moment .. You’re trying to say , my past has been bloody . My past has been as painful and pounding as an ear ache ,  but I am still here . I survived it . You’re trying to say , here I am before you .. ​I can be brutal  I can be as harsh and unforgiving as sun burn , but this is how I got to this moment .. This is who I am . I am not always kind and lovely , I am so often
  25. Hello ;
    11 Dec, 2015
    Hello ;
    I realized I felt connected to no one . Old friends saw me as my former self , as if through a distorted funhouse mirror that made everything warped and untrue . They judged me unfairly , for I had left that person behind long ago . The new acquaintances in my life were just that .. new , and too foreign to understand the whole of my heart , or I theirs . Alone as I felt , I also felt happy that it had taken me so long to realize the empty audience in my life , for I had never felt closer to
  26. #SpilledInk
    10 Dec, 2015
    #SpilledInk
    She’ll sit by your bed and read you your favorite story while she feeds you spoonfuls of slowly cooling soup .. She isn’t your mom , but do not mistake that for a lack of caring . Because she cares ; she cares more than you’ll ever know ... You’ve had a bad day .. a more than horrible day .. a day that you never want to relive . You slunk home and were surprised to be greeted by her warm smile and attentiveness to you . You pour your soul out to her , and between sobs and sniffles , she assures
  27. High ;
    09 Dec, 2015
    High ;
    Remember the first time you got high ? What did it feel like ? Nothing like real life .. To me , it didn’t feel right .. Honestly , I’m still high I say it didn’t feel right Because it felt perfect For the first time in life I no longer felt worthless Like I had finally found my purpose I was so low that anything that brought me up I was willing to worship Giving my all to not feel so small And although I felt 10 feet tall I was unaware that the stars Are a lot farther than that And I don’t want
  28. Existence :
    08 Dec, 2015
    Existence :
    To the kid who I used to play and sing with when I was too timid and naive .. you taught me that boys and girls can be good friends . To the girl who I used to tease everyday and never fought back .. you taught me that there are still people in this world who has a pure soul . To the boy in my class during second grade who I punched for hurting my friend .. you taught me to become brave .  To my fifth grade teacher who told me that I wasn’t good enough .. you made me believe in myself more .
  29. Status ;
    07 Dec, 2015
    Status ;
    The bruises are still here . It's been about a month and a half now . The "original" bruise...the one I first noticed about a month and a half ago is finally gone . But more keep appearing and disappearing randomly . Its weird . They don't hurt or anything . Okay , maybe one does . But that's about it . They're kind of faint , but you can see them . A darkish blue color . I've also been having pain in my lower back . As well as my legs . Sometimes in my abdomen . And my right shoulder too . I
  30. 10.
    07 Dec, 2015
    10.
    10 OLD FASHIONED DATING HABITS WE SHOULD MAKE COOL AGAIN Trying to actually dress nicely for a date . Turing electronics off and just being with one another . Coming to the door to pick someone up . Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date . Straightforwardly asking someone out on a date and not calling it "hanging out" Additionally , being clear about when you're "going steady" Going dancing that's not grinding on a grimy club floor . Romantic gestures like writing cute
  31. Bleeh ;
    06 Dec, 2015
    Bleeh ;
    So I went to the boys basketball game . O M G . That game was crazy . We went into overtime . But sadly we loss . We should have won that game before it even went into overtime . But our boys were slipping up . We were in the lead the entire game until the last 3 minutes . Then FGCU came out of nowhere and swooped in for the kill . Rest in peace little panthers . Ahh , at least they're better than the girls team . *insert multiple skull emojis here* Lol , no comment for real . That's all I  have
  32. This Is My Title ;
    05 Dec, 2015
    This Is My Title ;
    I'm actually leaving my apartment again tomorrow . Going to the boy's basketball game . Lol , I know I mentioned it in my last post . Buuuut then again , it is my blog .. so I can post whatever the hell I feel like as many times as I want . *insert a couple upside down creepy smiley face emojis here*  Yeah , they play FGCU tomorrow .. a basketball school . Since for whatever reason , they don't believe in owning a football team . That's okay though , I prefer basketball over football any day .
  33. Say It ;
    05 Dec, 2015
    Say It ;
    It's funny how I will write my whole post first before I decide on a title . Like I never know what to title these things , lol . So it is 10:43 right now . Sitting here at my desk drinking some amazingly hot tea while listening to Ride , That's my song by the way . I did take my nonverbal communication final today like I said I would . So that's done and out of the way . Besides the boy's basketball game tomorrow I am going to dedicate all day to doing my english paper . Because I have been
  34. Finals will be the D E A T H of me ;
    04 Dec, 2015
    Finals will be the D E A T H of me ;
    So I went out last night . I know , I cannot believe it either . The first time in I don't know how long . I had a real good time though . Went to Dave & Buster's .. I must say that I am the air hockey champion . The one and only :) Then went out to get pizza after . Pizza Cubano . The first hispanic pizza place I have been to . But then again , I do live in Miami so I shouldn't be surprised . Another crazy thing .. I went to the girls AND the boys basketball game tonight . Again , I still can't
  35. CTRL . ATL .DELETE ;
    03 Dec, 2015
    CTRL . ATL .DELETE ;
    Can I erase like everyone out of my life ? (not including my family and like 4 people who actually mean something to me) Pack my shit up and just go wherever ? Some days I think that .. That I want to pack my bags and leave college and live abroad . Some days I want to have a family and stay at home . Some days I want my degree and feel motivated . Can't have it all .. Buuuut , I can start by erasing all the negative people out of my life . Might make me less bitter . Ahh , not bitter .. what's
  36. L A T E L Y ;
    02 Dec, 2015
    L A T E L Y ;
    But lately , what I've been crying about most is myself the person I used to be and lost and the person in the present with no clue about her future .
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