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  1. Places ;
    20 Dec, 2015
    Places ;
    If we were to sit down here ,  on the messy bed of my room in this shared apartment ,  to talk...I would want to talk about places .. Places where you fell in love or places where you cried .  Where were you when you realized you’d suddenly grown up ? I was here .  Balanced precariously between a pillow and a stuffed giraffe named Franklin ,  reading headline after headline on a darkened computer screen . If we were to sit down right here ,  I’d want you to tell me about where you had your first
  2. Evening Thoughts ;
    19 Dec, 2015
    Evening Thoughts ;
    Honestly , if I like someone , I try to stop it ..  I try to get away ; try to distance myself...I run . I try to stop noticing how his eyes light up when they meet mine . I try to ignore how his smile completely brightens up an entire room , or when his nostrils flare when he's deep in thought . “I do like him, but-” I will say .. and if there is no “but” to stop me from admitting how I feel , I will make one up because for goodness’ sake , I find it so damn hard to just open up to someone
  3. Voided ;
    19 Dec, 2015
    Voided ;
    I can’t describe it in any other way .. It’s just a hole...Like being in a hole . A regular hole ; not too deep , and  not too shallow either...Just a hole . I’m not so much stuck ; it’s hard to get out , but I’ve in the hole for so long it’s comforting .. But on the days it gets bad , I’m  not so much in the hole , but the hole is in me and it gets all flipped around and I get stuck...For real . And sometimes I feel as though it tries to swallow me whole .. This hole in soil that is of an
  4. People ;
    18 Dec, 2015
    People ;
    People are allowed to leave you . People are allowed to break up with you . People are allowed to love you but not want to be with you . People are allowed to not want to talk to you . People are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you . People are allowed to move on from you . People are allowed to fall in love with someone else . People are allowed to not want you in their life . People are allowed to do whatever they want to
  5. Laughing ;
    17 Dec, 2015
    Laughing ;
    One day my hands will settle inside themselves .. I feel most free in the dark where there are dozens of bodies  and no one knows me...I’m trying to text this boy  but my nails are wet with paint . When scientists tell me  there is the possibility of another universe I think yes  and I am better in it...I want fresh flowers on every table and for tomorrow to be a gentler crime scene . My twenties are teaching me that no one is ever as busy as they say they are . Like honestly , where you going
  6. So This Is the End ;
    16 Dec, 2015
    So This Is the End ;
    SO THIS IS THE END .. Or this is the beginning .. If I cut my hair off  and buy new lipstick ,  it almost doesn’t feel like  starting over .. It feels like emerging ..  Like soaking in light . Like drawing curtains back . Like pulling myself  out of the bed  for the first time  in two weeks  and showering . Making tea .. Putting away my  coffee cups .
  7. Today ;
    15 Dec, 2015
    Today ;
    I am too afraid to tell my father things are getting bad again .. There is sadness and it grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me to the core like a  magic eight ball . It turns up on my doorstep like a long-lost friend and I know there’s no point fighting it ..  Sometimes I want to kiss strangers  on the mouth and sometimes I never want to see anyone again ..  Today I don’t know if I’m depressed or if I just can’t physically leave the bed .. Today I feel like being held in the most innocent
  8. OUT OF ATHENS ;
    14 Dec, 2015
    OUT OF ATHENS ;
    YOU DIDN’T WRITE ME LOVE POEMS , SO NOW I’M WRITING THEM FOR MYSELF .. CAPITAL LETTERS ON MY HEADER SO PEOPLE KNOW I’M MAKING CHANGES YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE APPROVED OF . NO MORE SMALL VOICES HERE...I’M LAUGHING LOUD NOW , I’M SINGING WHERE OTHERS CAN HEAR ME AND I’M PRETENDING THAT I’M ON STAGE BECAUSE MAYBE SHAKESPEARE KNOWS A LITTLE SOMETHING . YOU NEVER PUSHED MY HAIR BACK BEHIND MY EAR . YOU NEVER HELD ME GENTLY TO WAKE ME . YOU ONLY KISSED ME IF IT MEANT GETTING ME NAKED .. YOU DIDN’T BUY
  9. An Excercise in Feeling Unlovable ;
    13 Dec, 2015
    An Excercise in Feeling Unlovable ;
    Do not let people like me fall in love...ever. It will be easy , this I can promise you . We are not hard things . There are all these warning signs .. We are the first one . Notice the red in our mouth when you first taste us .. Say stop light . Back away . Always look at our bottom lip .. It spills the most secrets . There is always a tremble . Some a DO NOT ENTER sign . Some a siren . We are such wailing creatures .. You know what a shipwreck we make out of everything .  How to touch
  10. Try and Love Me For It ;
    12 Dec, 2015
    Try and Love Me For It ;
    When you love someone , you tend to tell them so much about your past because you’re trying to catch up to the present moment .. You’re trying to say , my past has been bloody . My past has been as painful and pounding as an ear ache ,  but I am still here . I survived it . You’re trying to say , here I am before you .. ​I can be brutal  I can be as harsh and unforgiving as sun burn , but this is how I got to this moment .. This is who I am . I am not always kind and lovely , I am so often
  11. Hello ;
    11 Dec, 2015
    Hello ;
    I realized I felt connected to no one . Old friends saw me as my former self , as if through a distorted funhouse mirror that made everything warped and untrue . They judged me unfairly , for I had left that person behind long ago . The new acquaintances in my life were just that .. new , and too foreign to understand the whole of my heart , or I theirs . Alone as I felt , I also felt happy that it had taken me so long to realize the empty audience in my life , for I had never felt closer to
  12. #SpilledInk
    10 Dec, 2015
    #SpilledInk
    She’ll sit by your bed and read you your favorite story while she feeds you spoonfuls of slowly cooling soup .. She isn’t your mom , but do not mistake that for a lack of caring . Because she cares ; she cares more than you’ll ever know ... You’ve had a bad day .. a more than horrible day .. a day that you never want to relive . You slunk home and were surprised to be greeted by her warm smile and attentiveness to you . You pour your soul out to her , and between sobs and sniffles , she assures
  13. High ;
    09 Dec, 2015
    High ;
    Remember the first time you got high ? What did it feel like ? Nothing like real life .. To me , it didn’t feel right .. Honestly , I’m still high I say it didn’t feel right Because it felt perfect For the first time in life I no longer felt worthless Like I had finally found my purpose I was so low that anything that brought me up I was willing to worship Giving my all to not feel so small And although I felt 10 feet tall I was unaware that the stars Are a lot farther than that And I don’t want
  14. Existence :
    08 Dec, 2015
    Existence :
    To the kid who I used to play and sing with when I was too timid and naive .. you taught me that boys and girls can be good friends . To the girl who I used to tease everyday and never fought back .. you taught me that there are still people in this world who has a pure soul . To the boy in my class during second grade who I punched for hurting my friend .. you taught me to become brave .  To my fifth grade teacher who told me that I wasn’t good enough .. you made me believe in myself more .
  15. Status ;
    07 Dec, 2015
    Status ;
    The bruises are still here . It's been about a month and a half now . The "original" bruise...the one I first noticed about a month and a half ago is finally gone . But more keep appearing and disappearing randomly . Its weird . They don't hurt or anything . Okay , maybe one does . But that's about it . They're kind of faint , but you can see them . A darkish blue color . I've also been having pain in my lower back . As well as my legs . Sometimes in my abdomen . And my right shoulder too . I
  16. 10.
    07 Dec, 2015
    10.
    10 OLD FASHIONED DATING HABITS WE SHOULD MAKE COOL AGAIN Trying to actually dress nicely for a date . Turing electronics off and just being with one another . Coming to the door to pick someone up . Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date . Straightforwardly asking someone out on a date and not calling it "hanging out" Additionally , being clear about when you're "going steady" Going dancing that's not grinding on a grimy club floor . Romantic gestures like writing cute
  17. Bleeh ;
    06 Dec, 2015
    Bleeh ;
    So I went to the boys basketball game . O M G . That game was crazy . We went into overtime . But sadly we loss . We should have won that game before it even went into overtime . But our boys were slipping up . We were in the lead the entire game until the last 3 minutes . Then FGCU came out of nowhere and swooped in for the kill . Rest in peace little panthers . Ahh , at least they're better than the girls team . *insert multiple skull emojis here* Lol , no comment for real . That's all I  have
  18. This Is My Title ;
    05 Dec, 2015
    This Is My Title ;
    I'm actually leaving my apartment again tomorrow . Going to the boy's basketball game . Lol , I know I mentioned it in my last post . Buuuut then again , it is my blog .. so I can post whatever the hell I feel like as many times as I want . *insert a couple upside down creepy smiley face emojis here*  Yeah , they play FGCU tomorrow .. a basketball school . Since for whatever reason , they don't believe in owning a football team . That's okay though , I prefer basketball over football any day .
  19. Say It ;
    05 Dec, 2015
    Say It ;
    It's funny how I will write my whole post first before I decide on a title . Like I never know what to title these things , lol . So it is 10:43 right now . Sitting here at my desk drinking some amazingly hot tea while listening to Ride , That's my song by the way . I did take my nonverbal communication final today like I said I would . So that's done and out of the way . Besides the boy's basketball game tomorrow I am going to dedicate all day to doing my english paper . Because I have been
  20. Finals will be the D E A T H of me ;
    04 Dec, 2015
    Finals will be the D E A T H of me ;
    So I went out last night . I know , I cannot believe it either . The first time in I don't know how long . I had a real good time though . Went to Dave & Buster's .. I must say that I am the air hockey champion . The one and only :) Then went out to get pizza after . Pizza Cubano . The first hispanic pizza place I have been to . But then again , I do live in Miami so I shouldn't be surprised . Another crazy thing .. I went to the girls AND the boys basketball game tonight . Again , I still can't
  21. CTRL . ATL .DELETE ;
    03 Dec, 2015
    CTRL . ATL .DELETE ;
    Can I erase like everyone out of my life ? (not including my family and like 4 people who actually mean something to me) Pack my shit up and just go wherever ? Some days I think that .. That I want to pack my bags and leave college and live abroad . Some days I want to have a family and stay at home . Some days I want my degree and feel motivated . Can't have it all .. Buuuut , I can start by erasing all the negative people out of my life . Might make me less bitter . Ahh , not bitter .. what's
  22. L A T E L Y ;
    02 Dec, 2015
    L A T E L Y ;
    But lately , what I've been crying about most is myself the person I used to be and lost and the person in the present with no clue about her future .
  23. What I Won't Do ;
    02 Dec, 2015
    What I Won't Do ;
    I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me , - the world is too big and I have too much to offer .
  24. Life After FIU .. ;
    02 Dec, 2015
    Life After FIU .. ;
    Since the beginning of the semester I have been looking for where I would want to go for med school . I know , I'm only a sophomore and I haven't even gone into Spring semester yet . So why am I even looking at medical schools ? I want to know what to expect . What I have to do to get on top . I just want to be successful . I want to be great . I want to make my parents proud of me . I want them to be able to look at me and be like yeah , that's our daughter . She did that ... All . By .
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